Food Trip the first, continued

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for people to Cook at Home, it becomes necessary to cultivate the power of improvisation and flexibility. Thus, for the beginning of this week's food tour, we will set upon heating up different foods that could be considered from different cultures, though indisputably cooked by one incompetent chef.

The weapons we have at our disposal go, clockwise from the bottom right: Sainsbury's packaged honey cured ham and turkey (30 slices in each package), Old El Paso tortillas, Kikkoman soy sauce and too much rice; clementines; English Mustard!; Cheddar Cheese; Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale (not pictured but later imbibed).

The pair of tortillas enclosed a liberal distribution of mild cheddar cheese, which milds out onto its equally mild terrain after heavy heating under a wet paper cloth (for the tortillas) and in the microwave (for modern deliciousness).

The quivering ham and turkey are laid next to each other on their trembling death bed, primed for the smothering by their oppressor, King Mustard.

Smothered!

The tortilla curls up, enclosing its contents in their final death shroud. The rice, having been boiling the entire time, joins with the soy sauce to create something that looks like fried rice and tastes like rice with all of the salt from the West Indies. The clementines later absorbed some of the runoff from the soy downpour.

Aunha! 'Vee do not hyave such very good cooking in zee France,' says Baptise, who is sad for the lack of hugs he suffers from due to the distance from his girlfriend.

But we do in America, my friends.

We do in America.

(this is a celebratory ice cream bar)